New Year's Eve Fic
by Eich
Summary: Five times Gail and Holly spent New Year's Eve together and one time they didn't. Or, a tale of startings and wheels. (This is the real name the fic but ffnet thought it was to long to be a title. Previously posted on Tumblr.)
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hi there! I started to write this fic a little over a month ago as a Secret Santa`s gift and I have been posting the chapter on my Tumblr ever since. Now it`s finished, though, so I decided to post the whole thing in here as well._

 _It's slightly AU because Holly and Gail met on the first year of Rookie Blue and every chapter is a different season. There's not much about the show itself in here though and the chapters are almost completely independent, it's basically just lots of sweet moments between the two of them._

 _Hope you guys like it, sorry for the mistakes and please let me know what you think ok? :)_

* * *

 **Chapter 1 (Or the one with a dead third wheel)**

"Who did you piss off?"

The words were followed by the - already familiar - sound of pages being lazily turned and it took Holly a moment too long to acknowledge the question. She frowned and kept her eyes glued to the body lying on the table in front of her.

Even with her backs turned to her visitor she heard as the blonde cop lowered the magazine, Holly knew the woman was waiting for an answer but after being pulled away from her thoughts she needed a minute to calm her mind.

"What?"

The chair creaked as Gail rolled her way a little closer to the doctor. The hot doctor with the pretty chocolate eyes and the sexy librarian thing going and, where the hell did those thoughts came from? She must have inhaled some serious chemicals in the past hour. The lab did stink a little bit.

Gail took a deep breath, as if to fill her lungs with the acrid smell and scrunching her nose on the process.

"To be working on New Year's eve, who did you piss off?"

The brunette shrugged under her lab coat. "No one. I just didn't had any plans for this year so I volunteered."

"Oh."

Gail watched as the woman picked a inner part of the body and placed over the scale, Holly looked at the numbers and took off her gloves to write it down on the file. She glanced at the cop and found Gail staring at the red, glistening organ with a frown. She didn't seems disgusted, though, only confused and Holly couldn't help but to found it utterly cute.

The intense stare was a little unsettling, however and so she cleared her throat to gather the woman's attention. When Gail's gaze met hers she asked. "Is everything ok there officer?"

The blonde simply pointed a finger towards the scale. "Is that a liver or a kidney?"

"That's a spleen." Holly answered putting her gloves back on suppressing her smile.

"Are you sure?"

"I have been for a few years now."

Gail raised an eyebrow at the answer, rolled the magazine and went back to watch the doctor cutting and tugging at body parts. It wasn't a very pleasant sigh, but for some reason it really didn't bother her that much.

She liked the quietness and the peace.

And the doctor wasn't entirely annoying. Though she would never admit that out loud. Yet.

When Holly looked at the relaxed expression on Gail's face she couldn't hold the smile anymore.

"Who did YOU piss off?"

"No one either." The blonde putted the magazine over the table and scooted forward in her chain, sitting on top of her hands. "I just needed a good excuse not to go to the superintendent's party."

The brunette stopped and placed a hand over her heart. "Way to make a girl feel wanted."

The mocking tone took Gail by surprise but she shook the astonishment away and looked at the table. "Sorry, I didn't realize she could still hear me. The spleen being inside your body is important for that isn't?"

Holly laughed and Gail smiled at the sound. "You do could go back to the station, right? I can call when I'm done."

"It's alright." She sighed. "I have nothing better to do anyway."

"Wow, aren't you a charmer."

"Thanks." Gail perked up with a happy voice that didn't really suited the sarcasm of her words. "Is the sunny personality, it just draws people in…I'm like the light that attracts all the annoying bugs."

"Good thing I'm Cancer then, I don't need to worry about getting fried. It's still an arthropod but not really known for phototropia like insects." She raised her head from the body and stared at the ceiling for a moment. "Only some immature stages, but I don't think I fit that category anymore."

The cop stared at her for a moment but just when Holly started to worry about Gail getting up and walk away, scared by the weird ramblings an amused grin broke over the blonde's features. "Nerd."

Holly felt a blush rising to her cheeks and quickly brough the back of her hand to adjust her glasses, trying to cover some of her embarrassment.

"Want to see what I'm doing?"

Gail jumped out of the chair almost immediately, but still couple of steps before reaching the table Holly was working on.

The doctor tilted her head, silently questioning the cop's behaviour.

The blonde squinted her eyes. "Will it make me throw up?"

Holly looked back at the open chest cavity and tried to assess the real situation of what she was seeing, after a moment she met Gail's eyes. "How much do you like strawberry jelly?"

The cop thought for a few seconds and shrugged. "Meh, I can live without."

"Then I think you'll be fine."

The brunette nodded towards a box of gloves and stepped aside so that Gail could stand next to her.

* * *

Almost two hours later Holly had completed the autopsy, finished the report, filled all the files, talked to the detective in change of the case and now all that was left do to was packing her bag and going home.

That is, if she could somehow peel the blonde cop away from her chair. Gail had stayed with her for the better part of the night.

She had watched the rest of the autopsy with curious eyes, making questions and paying attention to all that Holly explained, teasing her only a little for the times she found herself rambling or quoting articles or previous cases she had read about.

When the time came to fill the files and make a report, the cop had gathered Holly's order and left in search of an open coffee shop to get them some much needed caffeine. Returning with two steaming cups and a bag full of treats, it wasn't what Holly used to eat but the sugar rush was just what she needed to power through the rest of her paperwork.

They were half way through their small feast when the detective stopped by to gather the report and ask a few things. When she had finished explaining all that she had discovered during her examination, he had made a few questions, some of which had been answered by Gail as if she had been the one performing the tests herself.

Swarek had smirked and made a remark about it, but the blonde had simply shrugged off as if it had been nothing. To say that Holly had been impressed was an understatement.

She was also vey happy she hadn't had to spent her New Year's Eve alone. Holly usually attended her best friend's party, but this year Rachel had traveled with her husband to visit his parents and, since her brother would be working until after midnight – perks of being a 'living doctor' – she had been left with no plans.

Gail had been a great surprise.

Holly closed her bag and turned to the blonde. "All done."

Gail hummed and kept starting at the, now empty and clean, autopsy table.

"Is everything ok?"

She hummed again but before the brunette could enquire her again, her phone buzzed with a text. Picking it up she saw her brother's name under the clock's numbers but chose not to open the message just yet, she knew it was probably him saying that he would be running a little late for their already delayed celebration.

Instead she poked her phone and pointed to the clock hanging from the wall. "Hey, look. Five minutes to midnight."

Gail raised her eyes before leaning back on the chair. "Doesn't really matter does it?" She crossed her arms over her belly and extended her legs. "It is just a stupid invention."

The brunette frowned. "…clocks?…"

"Dates. Mondays. First Days of the month. New Years." The blonde slowly stood up and dusted her pants. "It's all bullshit. An invention by mankind so it can fool itself into thinking they can somehow out wrong their mistakes and start anew." She shook her head absently and picked her jacket. "It never lasts though, everything is always the same and 24 hours later all our promises and all our hopes are back into being exactly that. Empty words and wishes that will never be."

Holly stared at her with wide eyes, nodding. "Wow."

"Hum."

"And now we welcome the New Year, full of things that have never been." The brunette quoted, fascinated by this strange, sarcastic being that had landed on her crime scene.

"What?" Girl stared at the deep chocolate eyes, gulping the sudden pull she felt towards them. This wasn't just the sexy librarian thing that made her want to stay close to Holly, it was something else. Something more.

"Nothing, just something I remembered."

The doctor took couple of step in her direction and she couldn't help but to lower her eyes to the brunette's lips, they were so close now her eyes could barely focus and still, she couldn't look away. Gail unconsciously wetted her lips and hummed again, though the sound that reached her ears resembled a moan more than anything else.

She blushed at the sounds. But then again, she wasn't sure she was blushing only out of embarrassment.

"Gail?" Holly asked and she felt the rush of breath reaching her own lips.

Gail's eyes darted back to the dark brown vastness of Holly's eyes as she replied. "Holly."

Two hands came to rest upon her cheeks and she took a deep breath, waiting for the crash to hit her. Bracing herself for the impact, the blonde felt Holly's fingers caressing of her face moments before the brunette`s lips caressed hers. Is was simply just a brush of lips but it left Gail's chest shaking and lips tingling.

She was still trying to regain her balance and her breath when the brunette pulled away.

Her eyelids refused to open just yet, but she didn't need her sight to feel another kiss being planted on her cheek or to hear the whisper that followed.

"Happy New year Gail."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 (Or the one almost ruined by a third wheel)**

Holly raced through the corridors of the hospital she had come to know so well during the first years of her internship. She had spent so much time whiting this white walls that she had started to grow found of them. The brunette could still remember the terrible taste of the red – supposedly strawberry – jello she would scoop out of the nurse's station when there was no time for real food, and of the strong, ulcera-induncing, coffee from the resident's room.

Some of the best memories she had from that time were created inside this building, though, she suspected that had more to do with the fact nearly all of her awake time was dedicated to the hospital than with anything else. Some of the best career advises she had ever received had come from the nurse's station. Some of the best life lessons, from the people inside those rooms.

In her time working with living patients, Holly had learned how to be a doctor but she had also learned how to be a shoulder, an arm, a hand, an ear.

She had lost count of how many times she had walked into the waiting room and simply sitted besides a family member so they would have someone to dry their tears against. Of how many times she had had to support their weight as she watched them receiving the final words. Of how many stories the had listened to, tales from the past, wishes that would never have the chance to come true, plans for the future, ramblings of fear and hope she couldn't quite recall but that at the same time would never forget.

Holly had learned how to work under pressure and think straight among chaos, the people from here had taught her how to make diagnostics with high accuracy, how to make stitches leaving no scar and to always have a medical history at hand.

But some of the people that walked through this corridors had also taught her that odds aren't completely reliable, that living isn't all that great when you can't do any of the things that makes you feel alive, that all scars – visible or not – are meant to be worn with pride and that the poet was really right, pain is truly inevitable sometimes but suffering is an option.

And that yes, those are two different things.

In here Holly had realized that medicine wan't about text books, about treating and cutting but only about relief and new beginnings. What she also realized at the time, though, was that being a doctor didn't bring her any of that.

Quite the contrary actually, it was hard to leave the histories she had come to be a part of only inside that building and so every day she went home with her mind swirling with 'what ifs' and a heavy heart. At first she would save the tears for the hard days, but towards the end they all blended together and she couldn't tell if the wetness in her face was for the ones that had already left of the ones that could be going next.

There were also good days, of course, people she had waved off at the entrance hall with a grin as big as their hopes. Those cases, after all, had been the ones that had carried her through the end. She had gotten into medical school because of her long hours at the library but she only had left because of their glowing faces.

When her internship had come to an end Holly accepted that, for her, being in charge for someone's life was heavier than she had anticipated and she wouldn't be able to do it for longer without breaking under its weight.

But, as people always say, doctors do work with life and death and so, if she couldn't handle the first there was always the second option to go to.

She admitted that working with death isn't as glamorous as working with life, or as profiting, but the puzzles were even more intriguing and the closure she brought the families, even more rewarding.

Today she wasn't here as a doctor, though, or a forensic pathologist for that matter. The brunette had no gloves, scrubs or lab coats, only sweaty hands, trembling legs and a racing heart.

Holly rounded the corner and abruptly stopped by the nurse's station.

"I'm looking for Gail Peck? Cop, light blonde hair, blue eyes? I think she was…" Her throat closed for a moment and she had to choke down a sob. "I think she was shot?"

The woman looked up from her computer screen and pointed towards the end of the corridor. "She's taking some x-rays right now but you can wait in room 27, they'll take her there as soon as they're done."

She nodded her thanks and started to walk again

Despite the indication that Gail wasn't in critical condition and the knowledge that the blonde always wore a vest, it was impossible to keep her mind from going to bad places. Even if the bullet had hit her vest, it could still lead to internal bleeding or lesions. It was still painful and it was still a shot, Gail had been hurted and Holly wouldn't be able to breathe properly until she laid eyes on the blonde and saw for herself that her girlfriend was alright.

When Oliver had called her he only knew that there had been a shooting and that Gail was on her way to the hospital, Chris had been with her on patrol and had called for an ambulance before the signal had been cutted and they had lost communication. She had grabbed her things, the cellphone tucked between her ear and shoulder, and rushed to the hospital after promising him she would drive safely. He had insisted on picking her up but there was no way she could wait from his ride.

She reached the door and landed her hand over the doorknob, taking a deep breath before pushing it open.

A figure stood up from the chair they had been sitting on.

"How is she?"

Chris took a step towards her and she knew the guys was holding himself back not to give her a hug.

She knew him quite well by now, having spent countless nights at the penny having drinks and playing trivia with Gail and her – their – friends. If that wasn't enough to solidify a friendship the mockings about the creak in Gail's bad and the numerous cups of coffee she had provided him after spending the night at 'Casa Peckstein-Diaz' definitely were.

But he also knew her, he knew that if he gave her a hug she would crumble and that was the last thing she needed right now. He would save the hug for later and she would collect when there was no hospitals involved.

"She seems alright." He started, putting tucking his hands on his belt. "The bullet hit her vest, in her stomach, but they're making a bunch of tests to make sure there is no internal injure."

Holly nodded, silently thanking whoever it was up there for having allowed the bullet to be aimed at the vest.

"Gail was talking and complaining the whole way here, she didn't wanted to come, than didn't trusted her doctor, didn't wanted to have any x-rays, than after Olive called she wanted to wait for you." Chris chuckled and she couldn't help but smile at the thought. "She seems alright. She'll be alright."

"Ok." She whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Ok, thank you Chris."

"No problem." He shrugged and poured a glass of water for her.

Holly thanked him and took a sip, feeling the cold liquid wash away some of her fears.

"What happened?" She said walking to the other side of the room to place the glass on a table.

"Robbery gone wrong, the guys freaked out and fired." He trailed off. "Is all under control, though, don't worry about it."

The door was pushed open and they both turned towards the sound, to see Gail being wheeled into the room.

The blonde was wearing a green hospital garment, one of her arms holding her stomach and eyes closed. It was visible that the woman was deep pain, but even so Holly couldn't help but to smile at the sight in front of her.

Gail was hurted. But alive.

"Gail!"

The officer's eyes shot open and she took a deep breath. "Hols, you're here."

"Of course I'm here sweety, I came as soon as Oliver called me." Holly walked the rest of the way and kneeled in front of the wheelchair to grasp, brushing a strand of hair away from Gail's face."

Gail shook her head "He shouldn't have bothered you, it was nothing."

"Of course he should have." Holly stated wide eyed. "It wasn't nothing, Gail, it was a bullet! And even if it had been a splinter, I'd still want to be here with you so please, never say this again ok?"

The blonde nodded and smiled fondly at her before whispering. "Ok."

"Good." Holly smiled back. "How are you feeling?" She knew it was a stupid question, but she couldn-*'t help to ask.9

"Like a tenderized steak." Gail groaned and clutched her stomach harder.

The nurse had been watching the exchange with a soft smile on her lips, glad in finally meeting the girlfriend she had heard so much about in the past half an hour. She knew Gail was in pain but she still hadn't been cleared for any medication and so she needed to distract the young woman somehow. This had been the only topic in which she had succeeded in getting Gail speak more than three words about, in fact, when the blonde had started to talk about her girlfriend it had been hard to make her stop.

Now she knew why.

The woman closed the door behind her and moved the chair closer to the bed. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I believe miss Peck will be much more comfortable laying down."

With Chris's helping support her weight, Gail slowly stood up from the chair and dropped over the bed with a hiss. Her whole body ached but the pain in her middle was terrible, starting on her abdomen and spreading to her backs and chest. She didn't thought she had ever felt this kind of pain before.

She had just laid her head in the pillows when the door creaked open.

"Hello again officers." The doctor said entering the room with a big white envelope in his hands. "Oh, I see you have a new visitor, miss Peck. I'm doctor Mark Johnson." He transferred all of the papers to his left hand so he could extend Holly his right one.

She gently squeezed the hand. "Holly, Gail's girlfriend."

"Doctor…Holly, just so you know." Gail said from the bed, eyes closed, brow frowned and head turned towards the ceiling.

"Oh is that so?" The man perked up. "Well, I think you'll like to see these then."

He took the x-rays from the envelope and raised them against the light. "As you can see there are no ruptures, no internal bleeding and no fractures." The doctor placed them over the table and took another one before continuing. "There's only a crack in her XI rib on the right side but other than that It's all clear. Other than the bruise and the pain, of course."

"Of course." Gail groaned earning a few chuckled around the room.

Handling the final x-ray so that Holly could inspect them all closer he walked closer to the bed. "I was going to keep her in observation for the night, but given that it's New Year's eve and that you have your own personal doctor at home I see no problems in discharging you tonight miss Peck."

The blonde finally turned to look at him, relieve covering her features as she sighed. "Thank God."

He lightly patted her foot. "I'll just give you some IV pain medication, fill you a prescription and you'll be home is a few hours, alright?"

At that, Holly placed all the x-rays back in the envelope. "Thank you doctor."

"My pleasure." The man shook her hand once again before opening the door and holding it so that the nurse could wheel the chair out. "I'll send Rita back with your medication soon."

When the door closed behind them, Chris shifted in his feet. "Will you guys need a ride home?"

Holly turned to the men and gave him a thankful smile. "No thanks Chris, my car is outside."

"I'm going back to the station then, helping prosecute that guy." He picked up his jacket and walked to the side of the bed to talk to Gail. "Don't ever scare me like that again Gail."

She snorted patting his stomach over the vest. "Says the stabbed guy."

Chris laughed and took her hand inside his, squeezing it gently. "I'm glad you're alright."

"Yeah, yeah." Gail brush him off, but not before squeezing his hand in return.

It was hard to believe this was the same Gail of their first year, she had come along way since meeting Holly. But then again, maybe this was the had been the real Gail all along and had just being hidden inside all that icy and cold behaviour.

It didn't matter, either way he was proud of her.

Chris gave her one of his boyish grins before starting to make his way to the door. "Have a great new year you two."

Holly opened the door for him and pulled Chris into a quick one arm hug. "You too Chris and thanks again."

He held her for a moment too long before whispering loudly. "Just promise me you'll record her high on the pain meds."

"Hey, I heard that!" Gail's first instinct was to grab one of her pillows to throw at him, but simply the thought of turning her body made her flinch. "Holly, quick, throw a pillow at him!"

Chris's eyes widened and he darted to the door offering them one last "Bye!" as he went.

Gail dropped back into the bed, burying herself among the blankets and pillows. She waited for the footsteps, for the chair to be pulled closer to the bed or for the mattress to dip besides her laying form and when neither came, she frowned.

The blonde shifted slightly to look for her girlfriend and found Holly still by the door, holding the doorknob. For someone else she would have seemed still, immobile, but Gail could she the tremble of her shoulders and the staggered breath. She swallowed hard at the sight, a whole different kind of pain erupting inside her chest.

"Holly." Gail called with a soft voice, and when the brunette simply shook her head she tried again. "Holly, please come here." Dark chocolate eyes met hers and she extended a hand towards the brunette. Holly looked at the ceiling for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to blink away the tears, before reaching for Gail's hand. The blonde pulled her for the bed and she sat down, looking at the bright blue eyes she loved so much. Gail brought their joined hands to her lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of Holly's hand.

"Please don't cry, Hols. I'm ok. Everything is ok"

"I know, I know." The brunette averted her eyes, nodding fiercely. "I don't want to lose you Gail, and I know I can make you promise this will be the last time but…"

She trailed off as Gail cupped her cheek. "Hey." The blonde gently coaxed Holly to look at her once more. "You're right. I can't promise this will be the last time some idiot will try to put a bullet in me at or that this was the last call you received saying that I'm in the hospital." Holly gave her a small nod. "But I can promise you that I'll do everything I can to always get back to you in one piece. Always."

Holly leaned forward and after placing a kiss on her forehead, whispered. "Thank you."

"There is a bright side of me being shot today, though." Gail said after a few minutes, the atmosphere in the room suddenly lighter. "We get to spent New Year together again."

The brunette looked at her watch and raised an eyebrow. "It's still 11:15, what makes you think I won't find myself a hot nurse to take home with me in the next 45 minutes?"

Holly felt Gail stiffening. " 'Cos you still don't have the keys from home yet."

"What?" She blinked in confusion.

Gail sighed and looked at her sheepishly. "Remember that second apartment we went to see together last weekend? The one with the big bathtub?"

How could she forget? That apartment was perfect, the only downside was the price tag. It was too expensive for them right now. "Yes?" She dragged to word trying to understand where Gail was going with this.

"The owners dropped the price and the real estate called me today." The woman licked her lips, this wasn't the best way to break the news to her girlfriend but since the opportunity had arrived it was better to just drop the news.

Good news…or so she expected.

"And I know I should have talked to you before, but you were on a case scene and he needed a quick answer and…I may have made an offer." She gulped. "And they may have accepted."

Holly's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. "What?!"

Gail cleared her throat, second guessing herself, maybe telling Holly over a – second – bottle of wine was a better choice. Now there was no turning back, though.

She knew she should have consulting Holly over this, it was a big step, specially for her, but the brunette had loved that place and ever since they had started to look at places to live together that had been the only apartment in which she could see herself with Holly. They only place that had made her urge for the future.

Gail cold only hope she hadn't ruined anything with her impulsiveness.

"It was within our budget and we still have 24hrs to give up if you…"

"You bought us an apartment?" Holly cut her off with a small voice and a big smile, erasing every single one of Gail's reservations about her actions.

She smiled back. "Yes, I bought us a home."

"Home." The brunette's eyes sparkled, her heart skipping a beat as the word rolled out of her tongue.

Despite the pain, Gail couldn't help but to lean forward and bump their foreheads together.

"Our home."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 (Or the one after the wheelchair)**

Holly climbed up the stairs to the second level of their apartment and knocked on the bedroom door. "Gail are you ready?"

Anyone else would find strange having to gather your things and change in the office/guest room every time you were going out with your girlfriend, but for Holly this was standard procedure.

On one of the first times they had gone out together, still as friends, Gail had bombarded her with typical – only a little stranger – "straight girl questions". If it was anyone else, she may have been a little annoyed, but she knew Gail was honestly just trying to understand her a little better and not at all being judgemental of her lifestyle.

The oddest question, however, had been about getting dressed.

The blonde had solemnly stated that getting dressed was the best part of a date and with two girls living together that would be a difficult situation to be worked around. After their first real date, Holly had managed to change Gail's mind about the dressing being the best part of a date but still, that process of getting ready was still very important to her and Holly was always glad to comply with all of her girlfriend's wishes.

Well, most of them at least. Just not the ones that involved copious amounts of food or Elaine.

This was also the reason why their office had been changed to double as a guest room. Holly honestly didn't minded packing her clothes, shoes and make-up to another room, but she most definitely wasn't going to use the living room for that.

Holly had to admit, though, that over time she had come to like this little arrangement of theirs. Now she only got to see Gail when she was already dressed up, climbing down the stairs to their living room, and the sight always left her breathless.

Today, however, Gail was taking more time than usual and so she had decided to come and see if she needed any help. Things had been better now, after long hard months, but she still worried.

Holly suspected she always would.

At the lack of response she knocked again and pressed her face closer to the door."Gail?" A small sniffle reached her ears and Holly gently pulled the door open not to startle the other woman. "Sweety? Are you alright?"

Gail had been sitting in their bed with her eyes buried on the carpet and her feet dangling from the edge when Holly entered.

As she noticed the brunette's presence, though, Gail quickly rubbed her eyes, jumping from the bed. "I'm sorry, is just…" She lowered her head as she passed by Holly and reached for the clothes neatly folded over the armchair. "I'll get change now."

Holly sighed and reached for the woman's wrist. "Gail…"

"Just give me a sec and I'll be ready to go."Gail gently tugged her wrist away from Holly's grip and nervously started to ramble. "I know people always use white but I'm thinking about going with…"

"Gail." The brunette shook her head and made her way to her girlfriend, holding her hand. "We tell each other stuff, right?" Sitting on the bed, she pulled Gail to sit by her side and pulled a strand of hair from her face. The streak of tears still visible on her fair skin. "Right?"

The blonde sagged on the bed, nodding.

"So tell me, talk to me, what's wrong?"

"I…I…don't know." Gail at their joined hands resting over her lap.

Ever since they had first met, Holly had understood her like no one else ever had before. She had been able to untangle all of Gail's actions and words and made sense of them even when she, herself, had not been able to. Most importantly, though, she had taught Gail that feelings didn't fit into words sometimes, but what had caused them to erupt often did, and that was a good place to start.

Holly had given her a safe place. A place where she could talk about everything and anything without judgement or fear. It had taken time but now she knew that Holly would never use any of the things she heard against Gail, she would never think less of her. Would never leave her because of it. She would only listen.

And sometimes that was all that it took for Gail to fully comprehend what was happening inside her mind, inside her heart. Gail could see all that parts that needed mending and start to work on it.

She showed herself to Holly, naked and raw, and, in return, could see herself reflected in dark brown eyes.

Deep down Gail knew that the reason she was still here, still breathing, after all that had happened was because of Holly. Surely she had received help from other places, there had been Oliver, Steve, her friends, even Traci, as well as professional help. But on the darkest nights and toughest times, when she was too far gone for anyone to reach her, that had been Holly.

It had been during one of those days that the thought had crossed her mind.

She could simply give up. Gail had a very fertile imagination and it would be easy to come up with a nice, clean way to wipe out all the memories, all the tears and all the pain. Simple really. As soon as the idea crossed her mind, though, Holly crossed the hallway, bring her a glass of whiskey, a huge bag of cheese puffs and a loving gaze that made the thought evaporate inside her head immediately.

Dissipating like smoke of a fire that never had the change to start. Heavy and toxic. Leaving you unharmed but with an acrid taste in your mouth.

At the time she had kept this little one-time-thing episode to herself, only months later, when she was feeling like Gail Peck again had she allowed the words to be spoken. Whispered in the dead of night and covered by the sound of rain pouring outside their windows.

After gathering the courage and saying the words, Gail had waited patiently for a response, she had almost convinced herself it had all been in vain and that Holly had been sleeping the whole time, when the brunette's arms tightened around her body and a kiss was placed atop of her head.

They had never spoken of it again.

Holly gently nudged Gail's shoulder and the blonde took a deep breath, basking in the warmth radiating from her girlfriend. "It's been months since…since it happened, I should be better…I am…I am better, I've talked to Traci, talked to Leo, I've gone to the Penny, I've read the speech, been to the funeral, I've went to all those psych consults, I've been released for duty. I have moved on."

She gulped, shaking her head. "Except I haven't. I still have nightmares, loud, terrible nightmares that keep you awake too, which is not fair at all. I can't get into a cab without feeling like I'm going to throwing up, and I freak out even more if I know you'll take one alone." Gail chuckled sadly and pointed to the hallway. "I gotta sleep with a freaking light on Holly, that's not…normal…that's pathetic."

The hand on her back slid across her shoulders, up to her neck, and settled on her chin. Gently tilting the blonde's head up so their eyes would met. "Gail that's not pathetic, that's expected." Holly squeezed her hand, rubbing gentle circles over her fingers. "What Pe…what that man did isn't something you simply move on from."

Holly felt a lump rising to the back of her throat as the memories from that day rushed to the front of her mind.

She had talked to Gail only minutes before the attack happened, as she climbed the stairs to Andy's place. Holly had been away on a conference in Vancouver at the time, and since McNally's place was much closer to the undercover site than their apartment, Gail was going to spend the night there.

Going to, being the key word.

She never did.

That man had get to her first. Right after they had said goodbye over the phone.

The same phone that ringed again an hour later, Oliver's name shining on her screen and sending a cold feeling don't her spine. She loved Oliver, she really did, she only hated when he called her. It was never good. At the time, though, Holly couldn't begin to phantom how bad it would be.

She wasn't sure she had completely moved on from all that.

"You are better." Holly said looking into deep blue eyes. Her hand leaving Gail's face to wrap around their intertwined hands. "You are healing but it will take time. It will get easier but it might never stop hurting. Maybe you will still have nightmares every once in a while, maybe you'll never give the right address to a taxi driver ever again, maybe the next step will be putting fluorescent dinosaurs all over our room." She saw as Gail's lips tuned upwards, in a small smiles and couldn't help but to smile too. "But that doesn't makes you pathetic, it makes you human."

The smile faded and Gail nodded weakly, still holding tight to Holly's hand.

"This isn't all, is it?"

The blonde snorted and averted her eyes. She really couldn't keep anything from this woman.

"I don't think I can face all those people tonight." She finally admitted with a small voice. "I can deal with what happened, most times, but not when there are tenths of people who think they know what I've…what we've been through" Meeting Holly's gaze once more, she went on. "I know they will try to convince me that things will be better just 'cos we're ripping a stupid page out of a calendar when they don't even know me. They don't know anything Holly."

Bitterness was dripping from her words, before her face softened again. "They only know about pity looks and encouraging words, but those are the things I fear the most tonight. I'm afraid they'll be enough to break me."

Gail knew most of her friends would be there too – except for Traci, who was away with Leo in a cabin somewhere – but they would be only a small group among

Holly tilted her head and leaned over to place a kiss on her cheek. "Why didn't you said something before?"

The blonde blushed a little, shrugging. "Because you wanted to go."

"Gail. I just want to spend my New Year's Eve with you." Holly took a deep breath. "This year was…a nightmare. But it's finally over and I want to celebrate the fact that you're still here with me. Whether is in a big, fancy party filled with good booze and average food, or laying out on our couch eating pasta and drinking beers."

"So, you honestly don't mind if we don't go?" Gail stared at her, still unsure. They had, after all, agreed to go to the division's New Year's party many weeks ago, they had planned for this night and Holly was all dressed up for it already.

Holly chuckled "I don't mind at all." Releasing Gail's hand, could bend over and took off her shoes, holding it in her extended finger. "In fact, I'm pretty sure my feet will be thanking you tomorrow for this wise decision."

"Holly?"

The brunette hummed in response as she placed the shoes on the floor.

"You look amazing."

She smirked and pushed herself off the bed to stand in front of the other woman. Gail's hand instinctively came to rest upon her girlfriend's wait, eyes leveled with her covered middle and mouth watering at the prospect of what laid beneath the dark red fabric of Holly's dress.

Gail became too distracted by the sight to notice the smirk growing in Holly's face, but not distracted enough to miss the words that followed in a husky tone.

"Help me unzip?"

Blinking as the words brought her back to reality, Gail raised her eyes and gulped.

* * *

Gail woke up with shiver running down her spine. She opened her eyes slowly, being suddenly engulfed by the darkness of their room.

After she had helped Holly out of her dress, and every other clothes either of them had been wearing, they had taken a long hot bath before heading for the kitchen to make sandwiches and re-heated some leftovers.

They had spent the night seeing the fireworks on the television and making out on the couch until they both had decided it was time to take things back to their room. In their haste, though, neither had remembered to turn the hallway light on for Gail, leaving the room to be illuminated only by the moonlight and the soft light for the street posts.

She squinted her eyes and waited for the panic to hit her. But in never came.

Gail focused on the comforting yellow glow coming from the outside, and on soft breathing coming from her side.

And she knew she was safe.

More than that, she felt safe.

She knew that things were alright. Not perfect. Not yet. Maybe never again. But it was alright, and it was enough.

Gail smiled to herself and pulled the covers up to her chin, turning around to rest her head against Holly's shoulder.

As sleep begin to fog her mind once more, Gail started to wander if Holly would still let her put fluorescent dinosaurs on the walls after this night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 (Or the one above the wheels)**

Gail leaned over the steering wheel so she could have a better view of the sky.

No, that wasn't entirely true, she was leaning over the steering wheel so she could have a better view of the heavy snow falling from said sky, covering the streets they were supposed to be driving on to get to the department New Year's party.

But said snow had started to fall from said sky faster than expected, making impossible for them to drive said streets and reach said party. Forcing Gail to find an empty parking lot so she could pull over and wait for it to stop.

Whenever that was…

It didn't looked like it was going to be any time soon, though.

"Are you freaking kidding me?!" She cursed, falling back into the seat.

Holly also looked at the sky frowning. "Maybe we should try calling someone? Who is on shift tonight?"

Gail closed her eyes and groaned.

Fighting back a smile, the brunette turned to her girlfriend just in time to see her dropping her head on the steering wheel "Chloe?"

Another muffled groan followed and Holly simply nodded, fishing her phone out of her purse "Chloe."

She entered the password and could help but to smile as the wallpaper appeared on the screen, a black and white photo Steve had taken of both women in front of their Christmas tree.

Gail was sitting on the carpet with an antlers hat, crossed arms and a grumpy face, while the brunette was wearing a Santa hat and leaning over her girlfriend's side to give her a kiss on the cheek.

The three of them had been playing video-games on the living room, but after Steve won the last round of Mario Kart – given them the holiday's hats as a punishment – he had left to grab some more snacks leaving Gail to mop over her defeat and Holly to try and calm her down.

After only couple of minute, Steve had come back to that scene and quickly snatched his phone to capture the moment so he could tease his sister about it later. As soon as Gail heard the click, though, she jumped out of the floor and ran at his direction, tackling him to the couch and sending two bowls flying into the air along with the his cellphone.

Gail pushed him into the cushions, trying to hold him still while one of his hands pushed her face away.

For anyone else, see two adults – a police officer and a detective, no less – wrestling on the couch among popcorn and m&m's would have seem rather strange, but after three years coexisting with the Pecks and being included in their weekly meetings for the past two, things like that didn't surprised her anymore.

Quite the contrary, really, those were the moments Holly enjoyed the most with the two of them. When they were relaxed and goofy, playing and bantering with each other like they did not had a care in the world. Not everyone knew this side of Steve and Gail, they didn't allow many people into this private world of theirs and so she was flattered to witness every single one of their mischievousness, no matter how child they may seem.

She knew there were parts of their relationship that would always be private to them, shared between Steve and Gail, much like Holly herself had secrets only her brother knew of, and she respected that, Holly was simply glad to be led into some of it.

It made her feel part of their family.

Not part of the Peck's family – the way Elaine had looked at her the first time Gail had dragged her to dinner at their house left her wandering if she would ever truly be accepted as that, if it came to it – but part of Gail's family.

The only family that mattered to her besides her own brother.

Holly had beamed at the scene in front of her before putting the control down and stood up to get Steve's phone from the floor. On the way, she picked the nearly empty bowl of m&m's from the floor and popped a few in her mouth as she scrolled the gallery app in search of the photo.

Gail grunted something from behind her, followed by Steve's muffled groans, but she paid no attention to it focused on her task. She finally found the image and fell a warmth spreading over her chest at the sight of it.

Holly knew she had to delete the picture otherwise she'd be Gail's next tagged, but she couldn't bring herself to erase it. She heard a thud indicating that the epic fight had now left the couch and entered the carpet territory, and quickly emailed herself the photo before finally deleting it.

She raised both hands and placed the phone over the coffee table along with the rest of the m&m's. Gail grinned down at Steve and hit him with a cushion on the face one last time, before finally releasing him.

The blonde rush passed her, giving her a peck on the cheek before dashing to the bathroom, while Steve had remained still, staring at Holly with squinted eyes.

"You sent it to yourself, didn't you?"

She had nodded smugly. "Yup."

He hummed and placed an arm behind his head, trying to find a more comfortable position. "She'll tackle you too when she finds out."

Holly chuckled. "She tackles me already."

"Ewww!" His eyes went wide.

The brunette got closer and kneeled close to Steve, picking a handful of popcorn from the ground. "Wanna hear what else she does?"

He grimaced. "Oh gross, Stewart!"

She smirked and threw the popcorn at him. "Then you would tell her, Peck."

Of course Gail had discovered the picture not a day later, but after taking a good look at it, trying to hide her smile, she let Holly keep it but made her swear she wouldn't show it to anyone else.

Holly chest swelled with the memories from that day, but the feeling was quickly washed away when she saw that there was no signal available. She started her phone, but to no avail. The thing was still dead.

The brunette sighed and pumped her head against the headrest.

"Are you freaking kidding me?"

Raising her head, Gail looked at the woman with a worried expression. "What?"

"I don't have any signal." Holly waved the phone at her before dropping it into her lap. "Do you?"

Gail opened the glove compartment and unlocked her phone expectantly, but once the screen came to life she groaned again.

Holly couldn't help but to groan too.

It seemed that those were going to be the soundtrack of the night.

The blonde sighed, closing the glove compartment. "I guess that's it, Hols. We're gonna die here."

She snorted. "Stop being so dramatic. We just need to wait until the blizzard stops and call someone to help us." Turning around on her seat she went on. "We called Steve before we left, if we don't get there soon he'll probably come and look for us."

"No, this is it. This is how we go." Gail shook her head looking straight ahead. "I've been shot at and hit, I've been kidnaped, I've had chemical burns, I've been shot at again and missed, I've been raised by Elaine Peck and the universe decided that all of that wasn't good enough." She squinted her eyes and sulked. "I'm going to die buried under a pile of snow in an empty parking lot, on the way to a New Year's Eve party. Perfect!" She said the last word between her teeth, amusing Holly to no end.

She tried to suppress a laugh but it ended up slipping anyway. "Gail, we're not going to die."

The blonde, turned to her and grabbed one of her hands. "Holly, I love you, but optimism isn't getting us out of here." Placing the hand to her mouth she gave it a small kiss, bringing it to rest against her cheek. "We're doomed. We're gonna die. You know, kick the bucket, hop the twig, go belly-up, count the worms, meet the maker, pop the clogs, stick the spoon on the wall, became landowners, assume room temperature, bite the big one. Whichever you prefer, but this is the end for us Holly."

Holly frowned at the words, grinning and chuckling at some of the expressions Gail had come up with. "Gail, just…"

The other woman raised a finger and placed over her lips. "Do not despair my dear, only God knows how long we can survive…"

She pushed the hand away. "Gail, this isn't…"

"…or how much of a horrible dead this will be."

"Gail…" Holly pleaded with a smirk.

"We're so young. So full of plans." Gail frowned for a moment and shrugged "Well, I'm young. You're kinda half way there already so…hey, don't hit a dead woman!" She dramatically released Holly's hand to rub against the arm that the brunette had smacked.

That finally made Gail stop with her sudden digressions, so Holly took the chance. "Gail, stop we're not…" She noticed the devilish smile on the blonde's lips as the woman unbuckle the seatbelt and took off her coat. "What…" Gail begun to unbutton her shirt and Holly had to forced her eyes back to the blonde's face. "…what…are…you…doing?"

Gail slowly finished the last button. "I might die tonight Holly." She turned completely towards Holly, the shirt sliding open with the movement and leaving a streak of ivory skin available for Holly to see. "But I'm not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself, if these are my last hours on this planet then I already know how I want to spend them."

The brunette stared with mouth agape for a moment, before unbuckling her own seatbelt and reaching for Gail's neck to pull her into a kiss.

"Eager much?" She felt Gail whispering over her lips and pulled away, forcing her face to remain straight before finally speaking.

"Death waits for no one."

* * *

Gail heard the fading beep of her clock alarm and forced her eyes to open.

"Wait, wait." She breathlessly whispered against Holly's cheek before pushing away from the warm body beneath her.

Holly's eyes shot open as well as she tried to catch her breath, confusion plastered across her face. "What's wrong?" She quickly scanned Gail's face searching for any signs about what had made the woman stop. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just…" Shaking her head, Gail silently cursed herself. She really should have thought this through. The alarm had been set because she didn't wanted to risk entering the New Year without Holly by her side, it was a signal for her to go in search of the brunette in case they got split up during the party. The chances of the two of them separating were sling to none but still, she just wanted to be extra careful.

If she had to greet 2014 surrounded by people she had never seen before or only knew from her mother's dinner parties - plus fifteen division, of course - than at least she wanted to make sure that when the clock hit midnight she would get a proper kiss.

But, looking back at their previous position, this didn't seem to be a problem now. There had been plenty of kissing for the past…how long had it been since they had stopped at the parking lot, again?

Time seemed to stand still when she was cradled between her girlfriend's legs, feeling every inch of Holly's naked skin against her own as they bodies moved in perfect synchrony. The sound of desperate moans and eager pleads mixing with the soft creak of their backseat, muffled only by the rush of blood echoing in her ears. The air damp with heavy breathing and perspirations, covering their bodies as a blanket to shield them from the cold world outside the fogged windows.

Gail swallowed hard at the memories of mere seconds ago and looked at the tantalizing view that was Holly spread on their backseat.

Yeah, she really should have thought this through before stopping.

Now there was no turning back though, the way the brunette had been starting at her only meant she wouldn't be able to dismiss her abrupt pause without some kind of explanation and so, she braced herself for the wave of embarrassment and spoke.

"Five minutes to midnight."

She felt Holly's tension leaving her body and a chuckle left the brunette's lips before she threw her head back and chuckled.

"I don't know if I want to hit you for stopping or hug you for being this cute."

Gail looked at the exposed neck, fighting the urge to retrace the path of kissed she had recently placed there. But once the words finally register in her brain she smirked and shook her head.

"Woah, what?!" She waited until Holly's eyes were on her once again. "I'm not cute."

The brunette's hand traveled from her lower back, up to her neck so that Holly could pushed their foreheads together and bump at her nose. "Yes, you kinda are."

Her eyes slid close as Holly kept pulling her head closed so that her forehead now rested on the crock of the doctor's neck. She felt her throat going dry as Holly's lips reached her ear, husky whispering. "But don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone."

Gail groaned, shivering with want. She had been right after all, this night would mark the day of her death, the only thing she had guessed wrong was the cause of it. It wouldn't be buried under a pile of snow, it would be tangled in Holly's arms.

A smile crossed her lips. She couldn't really complain.

Placing a soft kiss on Holly's jawline, she pulled away again shrugging. "They wouldn't believe you anyway."

"Of course they would. I'm a doctor, I have credibility." Holly stated bragged with a smirk.

"But I have a reputation of being an asshole and that's not something you can get rid of that easily doc" Gail countered back, picking Holly's hand from her neck to play with her fingers. She took a deep breath, assuming a serious tone.

"Maybe that should be my New Year resolution. Make some changes, be a better person (for you)."

She didn't say the last two words out loud, but they were implied in her sentence.

Holly was a wonderful person, so caring and so lovable it was almost impossible to stand near her and not be instantly attracted by her personality, whereas she was an asshole.

Purely and simply.

It didn't seemed to bother Holly in the slightly, she had never made and sort of comment about it and Gail had never had a reason to doubt the extension of Holly's love for her. But even know, after three years together, Gail still couldn't help but to dread the day the brunette would realize that she wasn't worth it, that she was in fact a horrible person, and leave her for good.

Normally it would only take one kiss to make the fear vanish inside her mind, but it always came back eventually.

Holly closed her fingers around Gail's, holding the blonde's hand over her heart. "Gail, are you happy?"

Gail raised her gaze and nodded. "Yes." She smiled softly. "The happiest I ever remember being."

"Then you don't need to change a thing about yourself." Holly brought her free hand to brush a strand of hair away from Gail's face. "You're not perfect, none of us are, but you're not an asshole. You're loyal, you're brave, you're a great friend, always willing to help who need - even complaining about it, you protect the ones you love at all cost, you're caring, you're never afraid to speak up your mind, you're strong minded but not adamant." She punctuated every line with a kiss, gently brushing her lips over the woman's face until Holly pulled away. "You are beautiful Gail. So rare and so beautiful and so loved and I'm so proud of the person you are. Of who you're growing to be."

Gail felt the tears pooling at her eyes, refusing to let them fall. "You really don't think I need to change?" She asked in a small voice but with the ghost of a smile over her lips.

Holly looked up, pretending to be thinking about the matter before snapping her finger. "Maybe just stop leaving wet towels over the bed."

"It was once!" The blonde whined "And I slept on the wetted side!"

They both busted laughing, feeling all he worries and all the doubts leaving their bodies. In the distance they could hear the explosions of the first fireworks, their glow shinning bright in the sky.

The laugh faded and they simply looked at each other for a moment, before

Gail placed a soft peck of Holly's lips.

"Happy New Year Lunchbox."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 (Or the one with two wheels about to be chained and one about to be locked away)**

Gail heard the heavy doors closing and the sound of footsteps against the hard concrete, but she didn't turned around, knowing fully well who the person was, she simply kept staring at the city's skyline.

The sun had long set, but the sky was clear and the moon was shining somewhere above, adding to the light provided by the street lamps scattered along the streets below. The air was cold and she could see her breath fogging with every exhale, but the wind had ceased and her thick winter jacket and gloves were enough to keep her somewhat warm.

It wasn't the ideal situation. She would much rather be in her home, laying on the couch, watching TV with her arms wrapped around Holly and a blanket wrapped around them both. But since that hadn't been an option for today, she wasn't embarrassed to admit she prefered this to the party that awaited them.

Another New Year's Eve party they wouldn't be attending to.

What a surprise.

At least this time Elaine wouldn't be able to blame them - blame HER, mostly - like she had done in the previous two years, it was work after all and if there was one thing that Elaine approved was putting work above all else.

It could be birthday parties or sick kids, it didn't matter, the career had always came first and even though Gail had absolutely no desire in becoming like her mother, she couldn't deny that she had used this in her favor more than once, taking unnecessary shifts and staying late to fill paperwork in order to avoid "dinners with family friends" and the dates with the sons of said friends that always followed those dinners.

At least she didn't had to put up with that anymore. And all because on this same night 4 years ago she had took on a shift to be left alone, only to meet the one person that made her feel like she wasn't. Like she would never be.

Yes, she was either very lucky or she had the most amazing ideas.

"There you are." The footsteps came to a halt next to her and the scent of fresh coffee filled the air making her lips turn into a small smile.

No, she was simply really lucky.

Holly extended the mug to Gail and took a sip of her own as a chill ran down her spine at the sudden change in temperature.

Gail noticed the way she shift from foot to foot with hands tucked inside her pockets, creating a perfect space for her to pass her arm through the gap created by Holly's elbows. She pulled herself closer and snuggled closer to Holly's side in order to keep her warm.

Holly mouthed a thank you that Gail dismissed with a smile before asking. "How is it going?"

"I'm running the tests now, we should get the results in an hour or so." Gail hummed her response and took another sip of the rich dark liquid, as Holly kept staring at her with a smirk.

"You are not going to ask if I can speed things up?"

"After last time?" Gail chuckled and quickly shook her head. "No thanks, I've learned my lesson."

Holly tilted her own mug towards the woman and winked. "Smart girl."

The blonde poked her tongue at her before they both broke into chuckles, the sound dying out into the night and as she felt the cold air burning her nostrils.

"Besides, I think we need a break." Gail sighed heavily.

Holly kissed the side of her head before resting her forehead against Gail's, laying out a whisper. "Tell me about it."

All the events of the day seems to be catching up with them and the adrenaline was finally wearing off, allowing weariness to settle into its place.

The day had started like any other holiday. With angry grunts and alarm clocks being hastily shut off before they went back to sleep curled on each other, waking up several hours later to bake pancakes and fill the house with the sizzling sound of frying bacon.

They had packet their plates and settled in the couch to watch some old rom-com reruns, which ended up with Holly laying on her back in the couch and Gail's head resting over her chest, fingers gently combing through short blonde locks and lulling the blonde into a slumberous state.

She couldn't tell how long it had passed until the phone rang calling both of them into work, but all it took was two rings and gone was their lazy pre- New Year day. Less than an hour later they were both in the middle of an investigation involving two murders and one attempt.

It was an absolute nightmare of clues being chased, bodies being overly analyzed, theories being created only to be replaced minutes later by new ones, names being considered and people being brought in for questioning. When the ideas had started to get scarce, though, a new call had changed everything and helped them closed the case.

But it was still not over.

Even though all the work was done and the guy had been taken into custody, they hadn't been able to get a confession and so they were waiting for the results on DNA samples in order to make the official arrest.

Mean while they waited. Drinking coffee in the middle of the night, on top of a rooftop in the center of Toronto huddle together with the excuse of staying warm.

It wasn't the day they had been expecting when they had woke up, but it had turned out better than they had imagined when the phone rang.

"This reminds me the day we met." Holly untagled herself from Gail and took a few steps forward, to get a better view at the city below.

Gail scoffed. "You didn't brought me to the roof that time."

The brunette turned around and rested her elbow over the railings. "I don't take girls to the roof on the first date, officer." She smirked, running her eyes over Gail with a look that sent shivers down the blonde's spine. "Don't matter how good they look on their uniforms."

Gail squinted her eyes, taking a few steps. "Ok. First of all, I wouldn't classify me being commanded to watch you playing with other people's gooey insides a 'date'. Second, you wish you had the guts to call me on a date Stewart. I was the one that asked you out. " She stated proudly, earning an eye roll from the other woman. "And third…I do look good in this don't I?"

"It looks better when you don't need to stuff your ego in it as well." Holly grabbed the flap of the blonde's jacket with one hand and gave it a small tug, forcing her to come closer until they were only inches apart.

Giving her a small side smile, Gail brushed their lips together in a soft kiss. She rested their foreheads together, grinning at the feeling of Holly's nose bumping into hers.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked in a soft tone as to not disturb this quiet moment of peace after the erratic day.

The doctor hummed her response and Gail finally pushed away, enough to open her eyes and look at her girlfriend.

"Why did you kissed me?"

Holly tilted her head with a puzzled expression. "What?"

"On the first day we're met." Gail shook her head and carefully placed the mug on top of the rails. "Why did you kissed me that night?"

"Honestly? I'm still not sure." She brushed the back of her fingers over the blonde's cheeks. "I'm just glad I did."

"Still?"

"Always."

"Me too." Gail beamed at her, before pulling the brunette back into another kiss.

A honk somewhere on the street made Holly jump and the two broke apart with Gail laughing at her girlfriend's twitchiness. She didn't knew why, but the brunette was one of those people who scared very easily and by the most unusual things. The doctor could walk into grim crime scenes, inspect the most loathsome evidences, deal with the most horrendous crimes and not bat an eyes at any of it.

But if you simply sneaked behind her without her knowing and made a loud noise or even 'boo-ed' her, you would surely be rewarded with a piercing scream and one very angry Holly. She would know. She had lost the count of how many times she had done it in the past.

That was in the past, though. The last time she had scared Holly on purpose the brunette had fell into a crying fit, making Gail to feel extremely guilty about her stupid joke and after a few minutes trying to calm the brunette in vain, she had started crying too at the sight of her distressed girlfriend.

It had been a stressful experience she had no desire of repeating.

Gail took her mug from where it was resting on the rails and took a small sip of the now lukewarm beverage. Shaking her head with a grimace as the liquid ran down her throat.

"Do you know what time is it?"

Pulling her phone from her pocket Holly finished her drink and placed the mug next to where Gail's was resting.

"Eleven thirty. Why?" She chuckled at the intensity of the blonde's gaze towards the mug, as if she stared at it for long enough it would suddenly be back to the right temperature.

Slowly raising her eyes from the offensive coffee, blue eyes fell upon her with a conspiratory look. "Do you think I have time to make this Irish before New Year gets here?"

She hid her smile and pretended to be deep in throat for a moment before snapping her fingers. "I do have some 80% alcohol in the lab."

Gail hummed, as if seriously considering the offer. "Does it get close to the other stuff you use to open dead people."

She nodded solemnly, while the blonde sighed and sadly eyed the mug before setting it down once again.

"Nevermind."

Laughing, Holly laced her fingers through Gail's as they stared at the city's skyline.

The streets were empty of pedestrians and there were very few cars passing by at this late hour. Most people were already gathered with their families and friends to welcome the New Year. Some were surely flooding the bars and restaurants in the city. Some must have been parked in some higher point of the city, curled up in blankets and coats, waiting to see the fireworks from a better angle. And some had, no doubt, locked themselves in, preferring to spend this night in the tranquility of their own homes.

While there were two who watched the city below with tired eyes and intertwined hands, silently waiting for the night to end.

Taking a deep breath of the cold air Holly bumped her shoulder against Gail's, drawing the woman's attention to her.

"I didn't thanked you yet."

The blonde frowned trying to recall if she had done something in the past few hours other than run around from the morgue to the precinct and back again.

"For what?"

"I know they caught the guy and are just waiting on the results to make the arrest." The doctor gave her a tender smile. "I also know you're not on a shift today and that Oliver sent most of our friend's home. I'm sure he would have let you go with them too."

The blonde shrugged, shyly looking for something to kick on the floor. "I didn't had a good reason to go. But I have the best of reasons to stay."

"Yeah?" The doctor asked, feeling her heart swell at her girlfriend's sudden coyness.

Gail nodded, still not meeting dark brown eyes, and pointed at the mug. "Coffee wasn't so bad when it was hot."

The small laugh that reached the blonde's ear cause a smile to appear on her face and forced her eyes back to the beautiful brunette standing in front of her. "And I wouldn't want to end this day without you." I don't want to end any day without you. She heard herself whispering without even realizing, but was careful enough not to let the last few words leave her mouth.

"Me neither." She saw, Holly sighing happily and something clicked inside her.  
Gail had always known Holly was the person she was meant to end up with.

From the moment they've met, there was something different about the brunette that had called the officer's attention immediately, and it wasn't just the obvious physical appeal.

The doctor was gorgeous - there was no point in trying to deny that - and Gail took full advantage of that whenever she could, but at the end of the day she knew that if she had been born blind, deaf, dumb and with no eyeballs she would still be undoubtedly attracted to Holly.

It was something else. Something more.

Maybe it was because Holly called her out on her bullshit, or went along with her sarcastic remarks. Perhaps it was the way she could make Gail feel save with a brush of fingers or feel wanted with just one look. It was very likely fact that the brunette didn't think of her as being broken or damaged.

Or it could be because she knew when to push Gail and when to let it go. Or because she had made the blonde promise to text her when she got to the station when she had night shifts, or to wake Holly up when she came home late after work.

Maybe it was the way she would wake Gail with a kiss every morning. Or with sex every other weekend.

It could be because of the weird ramblings about things Gail didn't knew late at night. Or the long talks about Star Wars and which order the movies needed to be seen.

Maybe it was the coffee Holly always left ready for her when she woke up earlier. Or the extra bag of cheese puffs hidden in the highest shelf for emergencies.

Maybe it was the single fluorescent dinosaur stick to the back of their bedroom door. Or the huge smile Holly had given her when she said she didn't needed the hallway light anymore.

Maybe it was the hugs. Or it could even be the angry, silent, glares.

Maybe it was the text messages. The conversations. The shared silences.

Maybe it was none of it. But maybe it was all of it.

It was hard to point pick the things that made Gail be so sure that she and Holly were meant to be together, but it wasn't hard to figure it out that they were.  
Just like it she couldn't say for sure what had changed inside her, but it wasn't hard to understand the urge she had began to feel in this moment.

And so she swallowed the last of her worries."Holly?"

"Yeah?"

For a moment, her confidence quivered. She should have though this through, come up with a speech, buy a ring, take her girlfriend to a nice night out…put all her effort into making the day unforgettable. Holly deserved that.

When the brunette turned to her, though, with an affectionate smile and soft eyes, she knew that deep down it didn't matter. Things had never been 'ordinary" with them.

They met over a dead body. Kissed right after an autopsy. Their first date was to the batting cages after ditching some random guy. Their first time during Gone With The Wind, 'cos God she just needed to do SOMETHING to bear with that movie and staring at Holly's white tank top had been far more entertaining than looking at the screen.

So why not do so this on a cold Wednesday night on top of the morgue's roof after working on a double homicide case?

She could do romantic later. But she needed an answer first.

"Marry me?" Gai said calmly, as if it was no more than a question about the weather of the time. In her mind there was no reason to be worry. This was Holly - her beautiful, loving, gente nerd – and there was nothing to be afraid of when she was there.

The words hang in the air for a moment while Holly stared at her, searching for any indications that the words had really been spoken. When she found nothing but peaceful blue eyes looking back at her, her face bunched up in confusion. "What?"

"I feel like I'm your wife." Gail stated with a smile. "In my head we're married. We live together, we go to sleep together, we wake up together, we make groceries together, we go to family events, we know each other's passwords, we have a joined bank account. We have plans, we have dreams, things we want to do together and things one of us don't want to but does it anyway just because we want the other one to be happy." She took a step closer to Holly holding both of the doctor's hands inside her own. "I would do anything for Holly, as I know you would do anything for me."

Her throat was starting to burn, but she wouldn't let the emotions take over now. And so she cleared her throat and took a deep breath before continuing."Do you remember the first big fight we had? I can't even recall what it was about but it was back when I still shared the house with Dov and Chris, we were alone there and for some reason we just started arguing. I remember I said some pretty shitty things to you and you simply stormed out of your house, slamming the door as you went."

Holly blushed a little and Gail chuckled. "As soon as the door closed I remember thinking to myself that I had managed to screw the best thing that had ever happened to me in record's time. I thought that I had finally pushed you away, just like everyone else."

"I remember panicking and racing out of the door, just to trip over you." Gently shaking her head, the blonde remembered the feeling that has flooded her chest at the sight of the brunette's backs. She had never felt so loved before.

"You were sitting on the porch with your knees up to your chest. Fuming and pissed and calling me every single name you could think off." The doctor laughed, remembering the absurd amount of curse words she had mumbled to herself that night. Some, she didn't even knew that were a part of her vocabulary. That was the moment Holly realized how much time she had been spending with the Peck simblings.

Her train of thought was interrupted by gentle fingers brushing agains her cheek and Gail's voice echoing in the night. "But you were there. Five steps away. You were there. And you have been, for all these years, through all the crap that has happened you are never more than five steps away and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Gail could see the tears beginning to form in Holly's eyes, but for some reason her own tears had vanished, being replaced by this warm feeling at the pit of her stomach. "So yes, in my head we're married. And no, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that, or a ring on my finger to remind me that I have someone to go back to." She nodded. "But I want it, Holls."

"I want that piece of paper, and I want a ring, and I want wedding dresses, and bad champagne. And more than anything, I just want to marry you." Gail finished the sentence with a single breath, suddenly desperate to ask once again the question that had been burning on her tongue, but she forced herself to slow down and take a deep breath.

"So, Holly 'lunchbox' Stewart, do you want to marry me?"

As the voices echoed from the city below, escaping from open windows and shouted up to the sky, counting down the last few seconds until the arrival of the New Year, all Gail could hear was the breathless whisper that left Holly's lips.

"Yes."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 (Or the one that almost wasn't)**

Gail hated waiting rooms.

She hated hospital in general, but being on the other side of those double doors, wearing a stupid green gown with tubes coming out of your arms and lights being flashed on your eyes wasn't nearly as bad as sitting on a waiting room.

Gail Peck would know. She was very well versed on the matter.

Her medical history started to grow at a very young age with an allergy crisis – turns out only picking the tomato from your plate doesn't make save to eat. Who knew?! Her 5 year old self most definitely didn't – afterwards came an broken arm, twisted ankles, a concussion, a few cracked ribs, the "Perik experience" and chemical burns.

But none of those times had been as traumatic as the waiting rooms she had visited over the years. Once over her grandmother's heart surgery. Once over her father's knee replacement. Once over Steve's appendix and another one a few years later over a bullet on his shoulder. Once over Oliver and Chloe and Sam and all of their friends who had been caught waiting with her. And now, over her lunchbox and their baby bump.

Her wife and her child. Holly and their baby.

Yep, this time trumped them all.

The last time Gail had felt this powerless Ford had started his vendetta against fifteen division, but even then she hadn't felt this hopeless.

Mostly because Holly had been there with her, pushing her into empty interrogation rooms, hugging her tight and making her promise to come back safe and sound with Oliver before pushing her out of the station, and holding her hand through the night as she found herself confined into yet another waiting room much like this one.

Always a constant reminder that the world wasn't as screwed up as it seems that night.

If there was someone as special as Holly in her life, if it was possible to feel as love as she did –or as happy – surely there was hope things were going to work out alright.

Gail wasn't an optimist, far from it, but in that moment and with Holly's head resting over her shoulder she had accepted that the universe wasn't a full-time villain. It was alright to have faith every once in a while.

And so, she had clung to Holly's hand chanting silent pleas in her own mind.

The blonde wasn't sure if there was some form of higher power out there somewhere, but if there was, she hoped they would be able to hear her appeals despite the jumble mess of thoughts swirling inside her head.

Maybe there was a time in her life when she would have scoffed at that image of herself. All red eyes and wet cheeks, holding into someone else's hand as if it was your lifeline while quietly trying to come up with words for a prayer you had never learned, to a God you had never spoken to before.

But the Gail that would have mocked you was a much younger one, far too naïve and desperate to believe she had nothing to lose, one that would have screamed at the wind that she was fine by herself, that she wouldn't have it any other way. While the Gail that had sat there, trying hard not to remember Jerry and even harder not to imagine what would become of them if their friends didn't make it, was one that knew how untrue all that was now.

Maybe there had been a point in her life where she had believed that to be free you had to be lonely. Where she had accepted that freedom was what made her happy. Maybe that had even be true for a while, but not anymore.

Now she held onto the restraints that kept her grounded.

The boring trivia nights with Dov and Chloe defending their reign, the endless Andy-Nick-Sam dilemma, the shared pastries with Oliver, the video-game battles with Chris, the family nights with Steve and Tracy, Leo's hockey games and pizza, waiting at the morgue exit so she could walk with Holly back to the Penny.

She may have been somewhat happy in her freedom, but she had never been this happy in her loneliness.

When Gail and Holly had finally left on the wee hours of morning, hearts were still beating and, although damaged, bodies were still fighting to live. There was still fear and uncertainty, but there was also sensible hope.

And that had been enough.

Now she didn't have even that.

Her whole world was hanging by a thread and there was nothing she could do about it. It was hard to breath, let alone hope.

For almost nine months she had been reading every single parent book she could put her hands on, but none of them had prepared her for this. How could they? How could she have prepared herself for this when everything had been going great?

Four months after she had proposed to Holly they had walked into a fertilization clinic so that the brunette could have her first insemination. They knew they were doing it backwards, the wedding was still a few weeks away, but they also knew that the chances of Holly getting pregnant on the first try were small and so they decided to just go for it.

Couple of weeks later, when spring had settled and Gail made her way down the aisle on her parents backyard – it had taken a while but Elaine and Bill had finally came to terms with her sexuality –, she could wipe the grin of her face as her gaze traveled from Holly's eyes to her middle.

She had found out only minutes before the ceremony started, when Holly's brother had knocked on the door of her room and given her a small box with her name written on the lid. When Gail had asked what it was he had simply shrugged and placed a kiss on her cheek before walking back to the room where his sister was getting ready.

The blonde had then turned to Tracy, but the woman also swore she didn't have anything to do with it saying she was going to find Andy and give Gail some privacy to open the mysterious gift.

She had untied the bowl and raised the lid to find a tiny pair of soft baby shoes placed over a small card with two simple words in it: "it worked!"

Gail cradled the pair of shoes on her hand, and sat on the edge of the bed reading the card over and over again until her eyes began to water. Until the words finally started to sink in.

They were going to have a baby.

She let out a shaky laughter, not caring as couple of tears made their way down her face. Part of her was a little mad at Holly for letting her knew this way, when she could hold the brunette in her arms and brush her lips against the place where their baby would be showing soon. There was another part, though, that was thankful Holly hadn't waited another minute to tell her.

They both had agreed not to get their hopes up with this first try, they would surely need to try it at least once more before it took, not only that but the wedding preparations had distracted them from the time they had to wait until Holly could take the pregnancy test.

Despite everything, though, late at night, when it was just the two of them laid in bed together, Gail couldn't help but to wonder if they could fit a crib through the door of their bedroom or if they would have to assemble it already inside, if they should use paint or wall paper to turn the guest bedroom into a nursery, or even if she would rather have a boy or a girl. And she knew Holly did too.

So when Tracy had poked her head through the door and announced it was time for her to get married she had hidden the shoes from the woman's view and carefully placed the box over her bed, ignoring the inquisitive look shot her way.

She had a wedding to attend to and a baby to greet.

Later that night, after wedding dresses had been forgotten on the floor and they both lay naked and spent in their own bed, Gail had kissed her way down Holly's body pulling the sheets along with her. She had placed a single kiss under her wife's belly button and started to trace patterns over the clammy skin.

The blonde had wanted to say something to them, anything, she had wanted to introduce herself, to apologize for neglecting them during the day, to say she was mommy number 2# but just because mommy number 1# was going to carry them as they grew. How they did not have to worry about anything else other than to grow strong and healthy. She wanted to tell them how loved they were already, how wanted. How she was going to be there for them for as long as she could. How she wasn't always going to be the best mom in the world but that she promised she would always going to try to be the best as she could.

Gail wanted to tell them that she had just discovered they existed and that she already couldn't wait to meet them, but they shouldn't rush 'cos she had waited 24 years for their mother to come along and 29 years for them to be created, she surely could wait another nine months.

There were many things Gail had wanted to tell them in that moment, but Holly was smiling at her so peacefully and her wedding ring felt so good around her finger that suddenly words didn't seemed adequate enough. She'd have time to tell them everything later, right now she had only wished for them to feel the love that ran through her veins.

And so, she had lowered her head to rest against Holly's stomach and started to hum one of her favorite lullabies from when she was a kid. Somewhere along the way, she felt Holly's breathing even out and with one last kiss to their invisible baby bump, Gail pulled herself up again, burying her face against her wife's neck as sleep finally claimed her.

That day had marked the start of the rest of her life.

They had agreed until Holly was past three months to share the news with their friends and family. At first Gail believe it was going to be easy. All they had to do was come up with good excuses as to why the brunette isn't drinking any alcohol and keep herself from touching her wife's belly every couple of minutes.

But as the days progressed and the idea of welcoming another human being into their home and into their lives sank in, she found herself becoming restless.

Gail had felt as if she had been living in a make believe. As if their baby was only allowed to exist once they crossed the threshold of their home, forced into oblivion whenever they stepped a foot outside their kingdom.

If something happened and for some reason they didn't make it past those 90 days, there would be no one to mourn their loss besides herself and Holly. No one to miss them. And that bothered her more than anything else.

Their baby wasn't real for anyone besides her and Holly and she yearned for the day she could change that. For the day they could gain grandparents and uncles, and aunts, and a cousin and even more uncles and aunts with no blood ties. Maybe this had to do with the fact she had felt invisible for most of her childhood, rarely being acknowledged for things other than her education and behavior, and the mere thought of her child feeling as neglected as she had been made her want to cry.

Rationally the blonde knew she was being extremely dramatic. But then again, what is 'rational' when it came to a mother and her child?

Regardless of that nagging feeling in the back of her mind, though, Gail had made sure to make up with the 'bun' for the lack of attention during the day. She wanted to enjoy every single thing about that pregnancy, from the sudden swell of Holly's breasts to the excuse to reread her favorite comic books with her head resting close to the brunettes belly while she ran her fingers through Gail's hair.

But only the non-violent ones. The super-heroes would have to wait until they were a little older.

Morning sickness had come but it hadn't lasted for long, instead leaving Holly with a recently acquired sweet tooth Gail had absolutely no problem in complying with. Always with temperance, of course.

During that time they had to skip more than a few gatherings at the Penny due Holly's tiredness and more than once she had gone to work with deep bags under her eyes, having waking up a little too early with the sound of the brunette rushing to the bathroom. On those days is was nearly impossible for her to go back to bed and Holly wouldn't allow her to get inside the bathroom either, leaving her to sit with her back against the closed door talking about anything in particular to distract her wife from the nausea.

On the day after a particularly bad morning, Andy had pulled her aside with a sympathetic look to tell her to 'hang on' because things were going to be alright again. She had stared at the woman with a grimace, causing McNally she squirm beneath her gaze before continuing, saying things about how every married couple goes through some tough times every once in a while and that Gail and Holly had been girlfriends for so long in must have been hard to make the transition to the married life. The little speech had come to an end with a hesitant hand placed over her shoulder.

Gail thought she would have to fight back the urge to punch the other woman or scold the other woman for assuming those sorts of things about her life. About her married life. But standing there, sharing an awkward look with Andy, she couldn't contain that laugh that bubbled out of her chest.

She should have said something. She had around a dozen different remarks about Andy and Sam, or Andy and Luke, or Andy and Sam, or Andy and Nick – HER ex-asshole of fiancée Nick – or Andy and Sam again.

The confused look on her friend's face, however, proved to be more satisfying than any of those. And so, she had simply wiped the moist from her eyes, gathered her breath and patted Andy's head before leaving the locker room towards her beloved home with her beautiful wife and their growing baby.

Strangely, Gail Peck was becoming an adult. Sort of…

The best part of the first trimester started with a lie directed at Andy, since the woman seemed to be so worried about Gail's married life she surely wouldn't mind changing shifts so that the blonde could surprise Holly with a 'romantic day off'. Instead of flowers, though, the brunette got a ride to the doctor's office and an ultrasound.

Among the many perks of having a child with someone who had attended to medical school was the fact that Holly knew exactly what was going on with their little baby week by week, and was more than happy to share all her knowledge with Gail whenever she could. So when they walked into the room and the doctor started to spread that gel over the brunette's belly, Gail knew a few thing already.

She knew that by the book they were a 'fetus' now rather than an 'embryo', she knew they were the size of a big olive, that their fingers and toes were starting to really become fingers and toes, and that their ears were also starting to develop – an information delivered quietly by Holly one rainy Sunday afternoon, Gail had huffed at the brunette and walked back into their closet to place the comic books she had already stored into the reading pile again, maybe NOW they could really hear what she had been reading them for the past six weeks.

But, most importantly, she knew there were heartbeats.

Holly had explained to her that even though the heart should be beating at nine weeks it was still very early and depending on position on the 'fetus' there was a chance they wouldn't be able to hear it. Even so, Gail would be lying if she said she hadn't walked into that appointment waiting to hear their kid's heart.

Once the doctor had placed the transducer probe – again, medical school wife… – over Holly's skin and the blurry image of their baby appeared on the screen, she felt the breath caught of her throat. True, she had to squint and use her imagination to identify every part the doctor pointed on the screen, but it didn't matter. It was amazing all the same.

After Holly had made all the right questions and the doctor had said everything was normal and developing the way it should, Holly had given her hand a light squeeze and she allowed herself to release the breath she didn't even knew she had been holding. Clearing her throat she finally found her voice to ask if it was possible to get the heartbeat.

The older woman had given her a knowing smile and turned back to the screen, searching the right position with the transducer. With a big grin on her face she pressed key on the keyboard and the room was filled with a strong, rhythmic thump.

Gail swallowed hard at the rush of emotions and lowered her head to rest against Holly's shoulder, placing a small kiss over the brunette's damp cheeks.

The drive home was filled with a silent excitement. The baby's heartbeat was still echoing in her ears, making her buzzing inside. And by the way Holly's hands seemed to have taken root over the barely visible bump in her belly she was sure the brunette felt the same.

They were getting a baby and which every passing day it became more and more real.

Gail should have been scared, part of her was certain that the feeling was going to hit her like a ton of bricks later on, but for now she was trapped on a bubble of adoration and anticipation. And she was loving every minute of it.

Three weeks later they had gone back to yet another appointment and this time, when the doctor had given them his nod of approval, Holly had called her parents and her brother – who came rushing to their house a few minutes later, still clad in his PJ's and with a big brown Teddy Bear, just to give them a proper hug – whereas she has texted Steve with the photo of the latest ultrasound and strode into the station with a printed version of said photo and a sharpie in her hand.

Once she had found the perfect spot on her locked to tape the photo on, Gail had grabbed her 'dad' mug and carefully placed a single risk over the letters, writing 'mom 2#' by its side.

That had been enough to start with the questions and once the door had been opened, it didn't took long for the word to spread.

The first one to notice was Olive, who had simply given her a proud nod and poured her another refill. Then Chloe, whose squeals had reached the other side of the building before she had rushed off to call Dov and Andy, who were on patrol somewhere across the city. Chris, that had started to ramble stories from the time before Christian was born. And, finally, Nick, that had pulled her into a secluded corner and given her a long hug while telling her she was "doing good", to which she replied by pulling him closer into the hug.

Couple of hours into her shift, she got a selfie from her brother showing Holly in her lab coat trapped between Tracy and Steve – their hands resting protectively over her belly – with the words "get ready sis! We're coming for you next".

Gail had gotten a few more pats of the back and many congratulations shouted across the hallway, but it was only later that evening, when she walked into the Penny to find Sam, Noelle, Frank and everyone else gathered there with big smiled on their faces that she felt the real magnitude of it all.

Their baby was 33,33% ready to go and was finally being celebrated as they should.

The next few months passed in a blur, with Holly's middle becoming more obvious by the day.

Up until that moment the differences on the brunette's body had been subtle, but now Gail could watch in awe as her wife gained some additional curves.

Holly had to abandon some of her favorite shirts during that time due to buttons being too tight and gazes being too low, but Gail couldn't say she minded much.  
The button's part, of course, the inappropriate gaze's part has led to some very scared interns tripping over their own feet to escape the officer's wrath.

When she had first started to date Holly, Gail had reached the conclusion she enjoyed all of her girlfriend's body, thank you very much, but if she had to pick one place to spend the rest of her life on it would be Holly's breast.  
It was needless to say she was enjoying this pregnancy a little too much for her own sanity.

During that time they also had started to work on the logistics of their new life.

House-hunting was out of the picture, they had just gotten married and gone through an expensive fertilization procedure in a short period of time after all, not to mention they were months away of having a baby, and so, they had simply started to rearrange a few things.

In the end, and not without much thought, they decided to convert their "storage/game/barely used office-room" into the guest bedroom and the current guest bedroom into the nursery.

There had been beer briberies to get some of the guys helping to disassemble the furniture. Pizza briberies to get the rest of the guys to reassemble it in on the other room. There had been trips to the painting store. To the construction store. To the department store. And when Holly had hit her six-month mark they had a completely relocated guest bedroom and a completely empty baby's room waiting to be decorated.

That was when the fun had really begun.

Both Gail and Holly had decided they wanted to wait until the birth to know the sex of the baby, so the walls were painted in a light bluish-grey tone while the lower part was covered in white wood panels. There was a big white tree painted in the corner with blue flowers on the branches, owls and smiley koalas playing in swings.

They got a dresser with a changer, a big comfortable chair with a footstool and a small cubby shelf. Steve and Thomas got them the crib whereas the stroller had been a gift from Holly's parents along with the car seat.

Elaine had gotten them a blanket just like the one Gail had used as a baby, along with a big worn out teddy bear that had belonged to the blonde once.

They brought a fluffy towel here, got a shoe there, Chloe got them a teeth ring in the form of a donut, they found a cute onesie on a store and some even cuter tiny t-shirts at another one, Tracy dug a box with Leo's favorite rattle and lots of squeaky rubber toys, Dov gave them a pushy pure-blood giraffe with no signs of a Camel mix this time.

Visits to the store to get some orange juice always ended up with a package or two of dippers being purchased as well.

Her father knocked on their door with the old mobile it used to be hers – of wooden carved snowflakes – on one day, and she peeled off the fluorescent dinosaur from their bedroom wall on the other, placing it right about the crib so it could shine for their baby as it had shone for her.

And just like that, and with a month to spare, their home had been ready to welcome its new – pocket version – human.

Gail released a shaky breath, resting her head on her hands and leaning forward.

 _This wasn't how things were supposed to happen._

Their baby still had two weeks to grow. She still had two weeks to pack, unpack and repack their doubleD-B – a.k.a due date bag. Holly still had two weeks to mumble sleepy complains about her bladder being squeezed late at night. There were still names to be discussed. 'Peanuts' issues to be read. Lungs to be fully developed.

 _This wasn't how things were supposed to happen._

Today should have been about Netflix and hot cocoa. About bringing a bunch of blankets and pillows to the carpet of the living room and cuddle with her wife while feeling their baby bump squirming and kicking. About whining and hiding herself inside their nest when Holly mentioned it was time to get ready for the New Year's party.

 _This wasn't how things were supposed to happen._

Gail shouldn't have hear her name shouted from across the hallway. Shouldn't have opened the door of their bedroom to see Holly pale and scared, looking down at her blood stained fingers. Shouldn't have driven to the hospital the way she did. Shaking and terrified. With the sound of Holly's labored breathing urging her to pass through red lights and ignore the speed limit.

 _This wasn't how things were supposed to happen._

She should have been inside that hospital room with Holly. Holding the brunette's hand. Guiding her through the breathing exercises and squeezing her hand. Whispering sweet nothings on her ear and telling her how proud she was of her nerd. Counting with her as she pushed.

Not sitting in a while, cold, waiting room, with the hard plastic chair digging on her tailbone backs and the smell of chlorine burning on her nostrils while the buzz of the fluorescent lights increased in volume with each passing moment. Cheeks sticky with the dry stream of tears.

Everything was overwhelming and still, she felt numb.

The blonde swallowed the hard lump on her throat, throwing her head back. The bright glow of the while lights sting in her eyes but she couldn't care less, at least the pain brought a strange sense of freshness into her.

Gail didn't knew how long she had been there. Waiting.

She It had been enough for Thomas to arrive, soon after, bursting through the doors in his scrubs and with an exasperated look on his face, demanding to be allowed inside the room before resigning himself to one of the chair to her side. Enough for Steve to make his way across town with Tracy. For Holly's parents to call him and let them know they'd be on the first fly out of Vancouver. Enough for her parents to quietly enter the hospital, taking residence on the far corner of the waiting room. And for her phone to go crazy with text messages and unanswered calls.

It felt like days had passed since she had walked into the hospital. Weeks since she had woke up that morning. But at the same time, she was living in a stand still. The night felt endless and the darkness, everlasting.

What she wouldn't have given for a weak ray of sunlight to help her get warm.

Footsteps echoed in the nearly empty waiting room and her head shot up, wide eyes looking expectantly to a nurse that didn't even acknowledge her as she made her way to the exit, probably rushing somewhere to greet the New Year with some friends or family.

It was strange to think how much New Year's Eve had come to affect her life.  
She had met Holly during one of those nights, they had start to build their home together, Gail had learned that not every cracks had to be fixed because they would mend on their own – and if they never fully did, it was alright too –, she had learned what real happiness felt like, what it was like to start a family of your own. It was only fit she would either win it all or hit the bottom in a night like this.

Either way nothing would never be the same and she knew that. She had known that from the moment Holly had cried for her earlier that night.

Somewhere in the distance there were shouts of a countdown, the sound of a TV playing in the back got louder and while the rest of the city cheered for 2016 and pored all their hopes into its days, all Gail could see was the doctor walking towards the double doors.

She blinked the moist away from her eyes as the room came to life around her, everybody suddenly being pulled away from their stupor. Gail took a deep breath and pushed herself from the chair, holding into the armrest for a little too long until she was certain her legs wouldn't buckle under her weight. It felt like another hour had passed until the doctor's hard expression softened and she granted them a gentle smile. "They are both alright."

The words took a little too long to register in Gail's mind, but once they did she was falling into the chair once again, lightheaded. Her body hurt but her ribcage wasn't pressing against her lungs anymore. She could finally breathe again without the fear of having everything crashing down into her.

They were alright. All of them.

Later that day, when everybody had gathered enough news from the doctor and even a glimpse of the baby through the glass of the corridor doors that lead to the recovery rooms, and Gail was gently rocking her son watching as the sun started to appear on the horizon, was that she allowed herself to whisper a quiet 'welcome' to 2016.

It did not too long for her to hear Holly ruffling on the bed, finally starting to wake up from the sedation and exhaustion. Gail gently ran a finger down her son's cheek before placing a kiss over his beany.

"Time to meet mommy number 1# buddy" She whispered against the fabric as she walked towards the brunette, reaching the bed just as her eyes fluttered open. At first Holly seemed a little confused, scared even, but once her gaze fell upon the small bundle protectively cradle against her wife's chest, she released a deep breath and smile.

 _This wan't how things were supposed to happen._

There shouldn't have been any complications. Holly wasn't supposed to be rushed into the O.R to have an emergency C-section. Their baby wasn't supposed to be two weeks early. She shouldn't have entered the new year without Holly.

But if there was one thing she had learned from the past few New Year's Eves was that you could plan, plan and prepare but it didn't matter. Things would always go the way they wanted to go.

Not exactly a fairy tale. Still kind of beautiful, though.

Oh…that and the fact that they were doomed to never attend to a New Year's Eve party. Ever. Maybe they should just start to host their own from now on.


End file.
